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“Fear of any kind is the number-one enemy of all golfers, regardless of ball-striking and shot making capabilities.”—Jack Nicklaus
I ask you, what are you so afraid of while playing or thinking about this game of golf? Answers will inevitable vary with each individual. And that’s why coaching another in the “mental and emotional aspects” of the game is unique to each golfer, and not a one-size-fits-all approach. However, many of us have had and continue to have similar experiences and tendencies. I’d like to share a few of them with you now. I’d also like to invite you to journal about your own experiences to uncover the block(s) that have been holding you back from expressing yourself freely to play your best golf. And remember go easy on yourself because this game of golf and life is an eternal process and we will never get it all done – it will never be “perfect.” Yet what if it is perfect just the way it is? I like to call it “perfectly imperfect.” Because if you gravitate toward the feeling that you’re never satisfied, then you’ll be never satisfied and this state of emotional being will come more in the form of frustration with perhaps some glimmer of hopefulness.
I’d also like to suggest some different techniques that may cause you to let go of some of your FEARS or False Evidence Appearing Real. These fears are nothing more than your own fantasy appearing real. In my book, The Fairway of Life, I suggest using the Mental Edge Golf Technique as another method to overcoming this perceived fear. It’s a simple form of acknowledgment, acceptance, forgiveness, and creating new more empowering beliefs and focus. In case you haven’t already; pick up a copy – I guarantee if you put even one of the many coaching suggestions or simple secret reminders into place it will benefit you and it will benefit the game of golf by the clarity of your example. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm – it’s contagious! Pass it on and pay it forward.
Remember: fear is an illusion in our mind and it is the opposite of who you really are, yet at times it appears as being so real. Therefore, our objective becomes clearing this mental stress, these obstacles that have been holding us back, which eventually leaves only pure positive energy, known to golfers as The Zone. This form of emotional state operates in, and even transcends the joy, knowing, and freedom realm. This is when and where we play our best golf.
Therefore, I invite you to look fear in the eye and simply be with it for a moment. What you look at disappears. I invite you to use affirmations as well. I looked “fear” in the eye and said, you come to me with confusion and darkness and failure…but I come to you in the light and strength of my being. I am in alignment with myself and you cannot stand against me.
“It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized.”
I Ching: Hexagram 5, Hsu – Waiting (Nourishment)
Facing things exactly as they are is the key to becoming better than you used to be. If you are unwilling to accept yourself just exactly as you are right now you will continue to stay stuck living the life of quiet desperation and you will keep getting and repeating the same old mediocre results year after year. You keep thinking you can figure this all out. I know that was me for 35 years of my golfing life.
If you desire change to a more free golf game it begins with accepting yourself and your golf game just exactly as you are and it is – all the while pointing into the direction that you prefer. What you prefer is your asking and it works with the power of intention. What happens next is providence or divine inspiration will begin moving through you and the how’s begin showing up in forms you may never have imagined before. The formula is dreams, or intentions of what you prefer + action = the how’s + manifestation.
Dreams + Action = How’s + Manifestation
In other words you don’t have to be ready and know how – the how’s will be shown to you once you make the 100% commitment and decide to play full out. You have been and are doing the very best you can with the tools and resources that you have available at this particular moment in time. Now you have been giving more. Why – because you are asking and drawn to hear these words. I invite you to simply become aware.
1. First, we must we acknowledge the areas that have been holding us back. We must come clean with ourselves and take note to the things that have been holding us back, our weaknesses, our fears, or things we can improve upon.
2. We need to accept ourselves, and our golf game, exactly as we are and exactly as it is right now, even though we might not like it.
3. We point in the direction of what we prefer. In that moment we make peace with ourselves.
4. If we choose, out of these enlightening understandings will come the clarity and wisdom that will allow us to evolve and grow and expand into more of who we really are; as a golfer and as a human being. It is as simple and as complex as that.
Case Study: what is it that you are so afraid of?
“My shadow and hitting the ball in the shits. It’s a tough shot with danger all around and I don’t want to f**k up. I’ve got a good score going and I don’t want to throw it all away. It takes a lot of work. (Pause) Wait a second what am I getting all jacked up about? I say work, but golf is a fun game. So what if I put the ball in the pond shooting a 39 instead of a 37…so what? I also want to eliminate the bad round or bad nine. I shot 38-52 at Charlevoix Country Club and I need to eliminate the bad round or bad nine.” The following dialogue is what Chris Shepler said when I asked him this question at 10:30 am on Tuesday, January 13, 2010. This is real life stuff for most golfers.
How many issues or blocks from playing his best golf can you name here?
1) I am scared of my own self.
2) I am scared of hitting the ball where I don’t want it to go. A lot of what I don’t want going on here.
3) I am scared to f**k up.
4) I am scared to screw up my score. Too much result-oriented.
5) I am scared to blow it. I want to be more consistent.
6) I feel like I am in a fight.
7) I finally found some relief with acknowledging it’s a fun game. I finally found some relief with thinking so what.
Underneath some of these issues lies the real culprit, hidden and stuffed away deep inside. We have people-pleasing and personal-perfectionism issues. On one hand we want to impress others in showing them what we are capable of. We want to play well for others and show them what we are capable of. On the other hand we want to hit “perfect” or good golf shots and when we don’t we get frustrated. In either case our emotions slide to the lower half of our emotional scale. If left unchecked the downward spiral sets in. Frustration, irritation, and impatience can lead to disappointment, doubt, worry, anger, rage, and even drop so low to feelings of unworthiness and despair. I ask you, can you play your best golf when you are experiencing these kinds of emotions? Of course not!
Here is my simple solution: the moment you begin dropping into negative emotions, below the contentment level, catch yourself and accept and embrace everything exactly as it is. You may not like what just happened, yet you must accept it. Work it out later on the range. Just know that Well-Being will come to you as you are pointing into the direction of what you prefer. You will save more rounds of golf than you can possible imagine. I can’t tell you how many times I have been 5 over par after 3 holes and still posted 77 or 78. Whereas before, lights out I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore – for sure 85 or worse.
Here are a couple other things with Chris that I observe: 1) Scared of hitting the ball in the shits, or where I don’t want it to go. Mastering the mental game invites you to begin shifting your focus upon what you do want, eventually giving yourself more and more of that. Once again the trick is to get out of the mindset of not thinking about what you don’t want and more in harmony with what you do. Not thinking about, or not wanting something only draws more of that into your experience. You’ve got to train your mind to focus on what you do want. You’ll find yourself slowly gravitating toward the target in your minds-eye. Rather focus in on what you do want. Remember: the shot produces the swing, not the other way around. Give more airtime to positive beliefs and eventually the old negative thoughts begin fading away. The only way to get rid of negative thoughts is to give more airtime to positive ones. The process:
1) Visualize
2) Visualize
3) Visualize
2) Too much result-oriented and in the future thinking going on. I remind another, just as I remind Chris, that it’s just one shot at a time. Bring yourself to being present, in the now, with this shot right here, right now. Bobby Jones knew this and he was right, yet “It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it.” Everyone needs a reminder, myself included. Now if you want to keep venting and spiraling further out of control, then go ahead and be my guest. Or, you can catch yourself and get back to playing present golf, having fun, pointing in the direction of what you prefer, and allowing it to be. It’s okay – stop beating up on yourself. Lighten up – maybe you can use some extra work out of the bunker? Ya see! Here’s a simple three-step process to let go of too much result-oriented, worrying about where the ball is going, and being in the future process. Focus only on:
1) Good set up
2) Good alignment
3) Good swing
See your trusted PGA golf professional to get you back on the train tracks and the plane of your swing in harmony with your natural way.
Finally, relief comes when we realize that golf is a fun game. Too much seriousness around golf creates too much tension and stress. Look, I’m out here with my friends. It’s a beautiful day. I’m off work (ah Professionals treat it as fun and leisure), and no matter what, I am going to have fun.
Above all, no matter what happens simply acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it, and become an objective detective in your own process. Some days will be better than others. So what? Be like Walter Hagen and simply shrug your shoulders when things don’t necessarily go your way. Eventually if you practice these principles things will improve and the better it gets, the better it gets. It may even seem like a miracle at the end of the round or season. You may just amaze your incredible self. You have so much potential in you; I’m here to draw that out of you.
Be as you wish to seem and act as if it is so,
Rand
Coaching Andrew Ruthkoski
Andrew is both hungry and humble and now wants to play on the PGA Tour more than ever. I invite him to keep dreaming his dream and visualizing upon the kind of golfer he desires to be. Be as you wish to seem. Act as if it is so. Paint the picture and gravitate towards that. Walk, talk, play, and carry yourself like the champion that you are…all the while lightening up and having fun along the fairway of life. Not to take anything too serious here either. Isn’t being spiritual a weird thing? I know Andrew belongs, now it’s just a matter for him to realize that, similar to Baggar Vance. What will Andrew chose to be next? What will Andrew chose to do next?
Andrew and I texted back and forth on the phone and spoke at length from his disappointing return from Q-School last night while returning from South Carolina. 71-70-69-69 is nothing to be ashamed about. This time he missed by two shots. He has made it to stage II before. For the most part from tee to green his game is pretty darn good. It’s his putting that got the best of him on this particular trip and occasionally he gets ahead of himself out of the present moment thinking he must birdie future holes he hasn’t played yet. I also invite Andrew to think of a lie as just a lie, no judgments, simply an observation. Then commit to the shot.
At Q-School his putting let him down and a few other minor lapses. Like all of us, Andrew occasionally sends mixed messages to himself prior to executing his shots. I call this “vibrational energy” we are feeling. On certain shots he may think where he doesn’t want the ball to go, he sometimes gets in the mindset of having to guide it, and then when it comes to putting and certain shots he, “Wants to lose the junk and mixed messages, a feeling that I want to get rid of.” He said he has played and putted extremely well for the last three months, “now I couldn’t read the grain.” He got into a funk on the green unless he stiffed his shots. Notice when he said he couldn’t…that’s the energy we get back in return, usually in the form of a missed putt. Jack Nicklaus never made a putt that he first didn’t already make in his mind, in how he was visualizing it. There’s a feeling of allowing it v ersus resisting it.
I explain to Andrew that this vibrational energy is about aligning to the Well-Being and allowing that in. It’s about creating more and more beneficial beliefs and not trying to get rid of anything. That’s how we change. With golf shots or anything else we are either allowing the Well-Being in, going with the flow, or we are resisting, kinking up the flow. Resistance comes in many forms. In golf we call them demons: fear, negative thoughts, mixed messages, a limited belief about ourselves, and other foolish self-sabotaging behaviors like; anger; frustration, trying to impress others; or wanting something so badly we end up pushing it further away.
This Well-Being is what golfers call being in The Zone, pure positive energy flowing to and through us in the present moment. We are either allowing this in, or we are resisting it. To be more mentally tough is creating a champions or winner’s self-image by depositing more and more beneficial beliefs into the treasury of our sub-conscious mind. I also provide more insights about these and other enlightening golf mindsets in my new book, The Fairway of Life: Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow. Remember the shot produces the swing, not the other way around.
Andrew knows he has two choices, and one of them doesn’t count. He can either evolve forward becoming better tomorrow than he is today…through his new awareness, or he can quit? Champion’s all overcame adversity by keeping on! Andrew’s asking to become better…and The Universe is answering. You must ASK! Now it is up to Andrew to allow it in. As we send our positive vibes to Andrew they return back to us.
Keep on keeping on!
Be as you wish to seem,
“Coach” Marquardt
Life & Mental Golf Performance Coach
Sport & Athletic Administration, MA
Inspiring Excellence Within!
* The one who wins is always the one who is clearest about his wanting and is most expectant of it. Expectation lies in our vibrational energy and it never lies. It is law. It’s a belief and a feeling of confidence in ourselves, or not? I invite you to post your comments at: http://golfissupposedtobefun.com
Appreciate & Go With The Flow ~
Going with the flow along the fairway of life means giving up control of trying so hard to figure it out, which usually brings frustration. (Believe me – I have tried to do it this way for 36 years of my golfing life). It means you’ve got to get out of your own way and allow the Well-Being in. It means you’ve got to get out of your head and into your heart space. Stop trying so hard to figure it out and surrender to the pure positive energy that is always flowing through you.
This pure positive energy is what golfers and athletes have come to call The Zone. In order to experience this comes the wisdom that you are not doing it. It is being done through you. You just have to let it be done and allow it to be. Let it be easy is the mantra. This is the simple secret that you have been asking for – and you already know it. I am just reminding you to the understanding of how life really works. The best and quickest way to get into this state of being in The Zone is by being in a state of complete and utter appreciation.
What all athletes and golfers really want is the freedom and understanding to fully express them selves. What all athletes and golfers really want is to play to their full potential - being resistant free or in a state of allowing. I am here to remind you that life is an eternal process and we will never get it all done. The spice of life is living joyfully in this gap between where you are now and where you desire to be next.
I am here to remind you that surrendering to this God or Life Force takes courage – perhaps the most courageous thing you will ever do is surrender. I believe that God wants you to know that nothing will be asked of you, lest what you are asking of yourself. Surrendering can seem like the most scary and most liberating experience of all – practically in the same breath.
So, stop trying so hard to figure it and find relief by dropping the oars. Stop trying so hard to figure out your golf game and golf swing. Instead of paddling really, really hard against the current upstream…learn to go with the flow paddling downstream where all the good stuff lies.
What to improve and get better? Set the intention and take action – the how’s will be shown along the fairway of life as soon as you make the commitment. Most are afraid to set an intention and therefore keep getting more of the same. For a more detailed description of this power that lies within pick up a copy of my new book, The Fairway of Life: Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow ~. I eagerly look forward to your feedback.
The Secret is The Law of Attraction…
…And it works every time with everything, including our golf game. So…don’t settle for mediocrity, and don’t settle for less anymore.
First, you must ask for what you clearly want – set an intention, visualize your goal, have a dream… Clearly state your end result, whether it is to break 100, be a 7-handicap golfer by the end of summer, or as in the case of Andrew Ruthkoski from Muskegon, Michigan play on the PGA Tour and be top 10 in the world. Like Nick Faldo keeps repeating, we gravitate toward the picture we are painting. Act as if it is so. If you just pretend on a daily basis, no matter how far-fetched, or scary, or silly it may seem that “it” is yours for the taken. Stars will realign and Providence will move through you – you will be shown how, but not until you fully commit. Visualize your end result…stop…take a snapshot picture of what that looks like, notice where you are now…and then make the necessary changes one at a time.
Step two, the second you commit God / The Universe answers – what you really, really want you get. Likewise, what you really, really don’t want you get. Apply this principle to everything, including what you’re thinking with every shot. Yes, we always get what we ask for – even lack or where we don’t want to go. Wanting something and not having it is a lack mentality. “Ask wisely, with love, for everything you want,” Mark Victor Hansen. Simply let it be and give thanks.
Whenever negative thoughts come up begin shifting your attention and thinking to more and more beneficial thoughts and beliefs – gradually you will drown out the negative ones and one day you’ll wake up a new you, letting go of old foolish self-sabotaging behaviors…wondering how it used to be with a smile on your face appreciating becoming your new desire. There is a process in creating a champion’s self-image, which runs everything in our life, including our golf game.
The third step in this process is that you align with this Well-Being, this pure positive energy and allow it in. This is what golfers call being in The Zone…and you can be there more often than ever before. Just take the next logical step. It’s dream plus action, which equals how plus manifestation. The how’s will be clearly shown once you fully commit. Pretty soon…you’re living the life of your dreams. Be patient and embrace the process – growth can be, and usually is messy. Most will want to quit, run away, or crawl back into their shell – or worse blame others and come up with all kinds of excuses. Take responsibility for being the creator of your life and you will be well on your way. You are God’s greatest creation, and you are meant to win!
I emphasis all of this again and again – because most will fail to set such a lofty goal for several negative based reasons, and many will die with the music still in them. Many have “wishful thinking” thoughts waiting to be ready. Summers pass and years go by. The time is now…and you will not have to think but for one second why you received this message today. Most will think they are undeserving or unworthy. Few will trust in the power of intentions and live the life of their dreams.
Remember challenges, adversity, and obstacles are what builds and strengthens our internal fortitude. We are both challenged in this life and blessed with amazing gifts.
For a deeper understanding of these amazing life principles be sure to pick up a copy of my new book, The Fairway of Life: Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow ~.
Namaste,
Rand Marquardt
Life & Mental Golf Performance Coach
Inspiring Excellence Within!
P.S. Remember: Life & Golf are supposed to be fun
Focus Upon What You Prefer
Most people fall into the trap of telling it like it is or thinking it’s just the way it is. Most people will say give me what I want then I’ll be happy. I’m inviting you to be happy and you will do and have what you have wanted all along. Most people keep thinking the same ole thoughts and keep getting the same ole results. If you think what you have always thought you will get what you have always gotten. Most people live within this ‘bubble” of limited belief thinking. Most people want to tell the truth because that’s what they see. They think telling it like it is has something to do with their reality. Most people want to see it first to believe it. They say if you show me what I want, then I’ll believe it. I’m inviting you to shift your thinking to believe it and you will see it. I’m inviting you to shift your thinking upon being the powerful creator that you really are…that life really is happening through you – not to you.
What most people suffer from the insidious disease of limited beliefs, negative thinking, and other foolish self-sabotaging behaviors on the golf course and in all aspects of life. I’ve experienced all of them. After 36 years of living within this subconscious ingrained self-image of negativity, limited beliefs, and certainly plenty of foolish self-sabotaging behaviors, I’ve decided to do something about it. I’ve decided to apply The Secret or The Law of Attraction or what I call the universal life and spiritual principles to the game of golf and to the game of life…and I want you to know that it works. I’m inviting you to trust in the process and let it be. I’m inviting you to get back into the game as it really is designed to be by following your bliss.
I’m inviting you to focus upon what you prefer, focus upon what you want, focus upon the solution, focus upon your dreams and desires…set a powerful intention upon what you want and you’ll gravitate toward the new and exciting picture you are painting. And if your dreams don’t scare you, then they’re not big enough!
I’m inviting you to shift your thinking upon what feels good as you dream, as you set the intention, as you hold the vision of what you want. Are you living your dream and filled with joy along The Fairway of Life? If not, then shift your thinking and align with the Well-Being…simple allow it in. Ultimate success is absolutely the amount of joy that you feel.
· Getting angry – shift your attention to gratitude and it’s a beautiful day
· Frustrated – shift your attention to allowing the Well-Being in
· Fearful – shift your attention by acknowledging it then back to the present
· Thinking you can’t – shift your attention to visualizing upon what you want
In life as in golf, we are either allowing the Well-Being in or we are resisting it. Our work becomes removing the obstacles that lie in the way. “Removing the clouds does not cause the sun to shine, it merely reveals what was hidden all along,” Dr. David R. Hawkins. There is no way to The Zone…The Zone is the way. The Zone is our natural way to be…it is always flowing to and through us.
“Why am I such a chicken,” Dinara Safina
The 2009 Women’s French Open Final
Tennis and golf are similar sports when it comes to the mind, mental toughness, handling pressure and stress…anxiety, fears, being in the now versus getting ahead of ourselves.
First, congratulations to #7 Swetlana Kuznetsova defeating Dinara Safina #1 in The French Open final 6-4, 6-2.
I enjoy watching those pursuing excellence in their sport of choice. I enjoy observing how athletes handle themselves in being their best. We can learn from the triumphs and the disasters, and treating those two imposters just the same, as Bobby Jones finally began to understand after years of coming in second.
As a life & mental golf performance coach I can certainly relate to the play from both of these tennis giants. I can feel their emotions and thoughts. Swetlana came out on top today…she was the one who was more calm and relaxed. Her thoughts were to go out there and, “have fun and enjoy it.” The pressure fell too deeply on the one who wanted it so badly she ended up pushing it further away. You could see it slipping as she missed shots and started pressing. Finally, she let it out in front of the whole world to see and hear, “Why am I such a chicken,” almost gesturing to her coach as she expressed her truth to herself. Why am I such a chicken is a great question to ask ourselves.
NBC TV announcers and analysts Mary Carillo and John McEnroe stated many keen observations about this match. It is my mission to pass these observations on to you in hopes that you and I will take our own game to new levels of mental toughness overcoming the fears, the chicken, or demons that lie within us.
Carillo and McEnroe picked up upon this energy as they witnessed the negative emotions, tenseness, and mental roadblocks get the best of the world’s #1. Carillo noted that Safina allows her nakedness to come through, often expressing her emotions when she breaks down, often crying. It’s my feeling that Safina wants it so badly that she pushes it further away. She prepares herself for this moment…yet the moment got the best of her. She gets ahead of herself and out of the now, and it is in the now where The Zone resides. “Just get out of your own way,” Carillo stated. “Easier said than done Mary, it’s a whole lot cozier up here,” McEnroe noted. “Just stay in the moment here…classic one shot at a time and this match would be far from over,” McEnroe continued as we all felt the pressure on Safina’s shoulders. As the breakdown continued there is a tendency to spiral further out of control, McEnroe reiterated, “You can see how the nerves are wreaking havoc on Safina.” The double fault to end the match ended the nightmare.
Now it’s a question of what can Safina do to keep her faith and belief in herself, so that the nightmare goes away? The answer: you’ve got to keep activating more and more beneficial beliefs and allow them to take root into your self-image, which is lodged within your subconscious brain, which runs everything in your life, including your tennis and golf game. Eventually you give more “air time” to beneficial beliefs and you literally drown out less beneficial ones – you become a new you.
So how do we create a winner’s self-image? Is it a perception that in order to win we then can believe in ourselves, that we are losers unless we win? Or, do we believe in ourselves, be happy, enjoy the moment and let winning take care of it self? How does one win? What is the secret or magic formula? What is the answer to all of this madness? How does one overcome “throwing up” all over oneself on the golf course – similar to what Safina just experienced in The 2009 French Open Final? What can we learn from all of this? What can we do to build that champions self-image?
Sit with these questions and answer them on your own. What do you think? Yes, we must experience this ourselves if we so choose to put ourselves on the line. My answer: it’s about creating a winner’s or champions self-image of ourselves. I show and tell you how to do this in Chapter 15 of my book The Fairway of Life. How much time you invest in yourself is a direct match to what you will reap. For now, seek to find good feeling thoughts no matter what. Stay in the now, and remember golf, like life and tennis, are supposed to be fun!
Dinara Safina is a great champion…and if she doesn’t know it…then that’s the problem! The same goes for all of us. Feed your mind, heart, and soul the nutrition that empowers you – the gift of believing in yourself, and loving yourself just exactly as you are…all the while gravitating toward the picture you are painting of what you prefer. Act as if it is so. “Be as you wish to seem,” Socrates
“I refuse to give into fear, real or imagined, or to be afraid either consciously or unconsciously of anything or anyone.”
“I smile at my obstacles.”
—Tiger Woods
Geoff Ogilvy – A model of ideal demeanor
Geoff Ogilvy is playing in the finals of the World Golf Championship Match Play event this weekend against Paul Casey, another cool cucumber when it comes to going with the flow. As we often hear from golf announcers Ogilvy wasn’t always this way. The following dialogue is an excerpt from The Fairway of Life: Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow ~ due out very soon.
The challenge for most people is that they do not embrace, and cannot accept their bad golf shots and end up hanging on to their negative energy, which once again draws them back out of The Zone. If you cannot accept what you do not like, you will keep repeating those same behaviors over and over and over again. What you resist; persists. It’s a Catch 22: You want to get mad at your bad golf shots or what you might consider bad breaks, yet the more angry or frustrated you get, the slower the process to change and get better. Anger and frustration only keeps us stuck in a never-ending repetitive cycle. Anger and frustration do not exist in The Zone . . . you won’t either. The challenge is acceptance of “what is” so you can move into what you prefer. And once you begin to accept what just happened, you will evolve much quicker to what you prefer. Once you stop beating up on yourself and relax you start playing better. Works every time and you know that! The challenge is the discipline in the moment. All you have is this moment. You do have a choice.
Simple Secret Reminder # 20 - You Have a Choice: To Be Angry, or Not
Remember: What you resist persists
Interview excerpts with Geoff Ogilvy – 2006 US Open Champion
By John Huggan, Golf Digest June 10, 2007
Q: As a young player, were you impatient on the golf course?
A: Oh, yeah. I was horrendous. I could hit five good shots in a row, then one bad one, but remember only the bad one. I’m sure I was a nightmare when I was 16 or 17, as many at that age are.
Q: What sort of stuff did you do?
A: I’d throw clubs around. I broke a few. I used a lot of four-letter words. The temper stuff is easy to fix psychologically. You either get angry or you don’t get angry; you have a choice.
I realize now that I was getting angry for everyone else around me, not for me. When you get that, that’s the day you fix it. When you play by yourself, you never smack the bag with the club, or get angry…ever… because there’s no audience. That’s my theory, anyway. After you hit a shot you get angry because you want the person you’re trying to impress to think that you’re better than this. I think that’s the root of it for nine out of 10 people. The other one is purely psycho.
Geoff Ogilvy is in the process of mastering his own mental toughness, and it shows by his outward expression of being calm more often than before. Does he still kick his putter and want to scream bloody murder? Sure, who doesn’t? The key is to be able to ground yourself and find a way to either accept or allow this negative emotion to pass through you. If we truly seek to obtain optimal results it begins with a calm heart and self-control.
“A calm heart and self-control are necessary if one is to obtain good results. If we are not in control of ourselves but instead let our impatience or anger interfere, then our work is no longer of any value. Keeping your attention focused, alert, ready to handle ably and intelligently any situation which may arise—this is mindfulness.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness
How To Change The Things I Want To Change
The Serenity Prayer – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr.
First, you must understand which of these three life principles fit your situation. You must ask yourself with sincere honesty if you have control over the only corner of the universe you can control – yourself. If you can change, then welcome courage into your life. It takes courage to step outside the confines of your own self-induced comfort zone. Yes, growth can be and usually is messy. With ease and grace you can move through what at times may seem like the valley of death or the roar of the lion.
The simplest and most direct method to change is acknowledged and felt within the concept of the Nike slogan…Just Do It! It is called having heart and desire; a one-minded focus and a definiteness of purpose; having a dream, and keeping on! Others would say never give up. I prefer keeping on keeping on. Always reminding your self to keep on.
Sometimes your dream may feel like a million miles away just a day or two before it actually manifests. Very often you are less than 3 feet from gold. Keep digging…keep on moving forward. Keeping on in the direction of your hearts desire is what really makes our heart sing. Just remember who you really are – a brilliant and magnificent human being…a spiritual being living a physical existence…a leading edge extension of Source Energy. It’s about feeling worthy, because you are born worthy. It’s about feeling deserving, because you are born deserving. It’s about being born of pure love and pure joy, because you are pure love and pure joy.
Love is all there is. I’m just reminding you until you remember. It’s our dance-with-life to be in vibrational harmony with this understanding…believing in our selves, loving our selves, allowing the Well-Being in, feeling outrageous joy, and knowing it! Jack Nicklaus and other great champions knew in their minds they would hit a great shot before they actually did it. You can too! It’s called being in The Zone – pure positive energy going with the flow ~. Our work therefore is to keep on reaching for more of these good feeling thoughts – the best feeling thoughts we can at this moment in time. Allow the spiral to move us upward ever enhancing more and more of the good stuff that life is serving up. Pretty soon we end resonating in these good feeling spaces more often than not. And when we’re a tad off we can embrace it that much better than before.
If by chance you’re feeling stuck, confused, upset, angry, disconnected, out of alignment, frustration and if by chance you’re “…repeating the same behaviors over and over again expecting different results,” Einstein’s definition of insanity, then you’ve got to change the way you think. Thinking about always choking, always getting nervous over an “important” putt, that you’re never going to get any better, that the demons or golf gods are getting the best of you, that you’re not that good, not that worthy, not that deserving, that you can’t, that you’re embarrassed or worried about looking good or pleasing others, that you’re playing against another opponent will only keep on drawing more of those experiences into your game. You cannot deactivate a negative belief in order to get better…it only draws more of the same experience into your life. Sure once you make the commitment to be something new there will appear to be obstacles or set backs or ridicule that lie in the way. These are all illusions. And you can find a way to move around them, over them, or through them. For the truth of the matter is, you can be, do, or have whatever your heart desires. And if you don’t know that, then that’s the problem.
In all of these incidences above where you find yourself struggling you are quite literally paddling against the current. You’re resisting the natural flow. The first place to begin is to stop paddling so hard, stop trying so hard to figure this out…find some relief. Here’s the deal: you’ve got to find a way to feel good without having “that” condition change. Your dream will arrive that much quicker if you can first be happy without it. Because just the thought of not having it is a form of limited belief, which keeps you stuck in a lack mentality. So, what do I do if I have thought some of these kinds of thoughts that have not been in my best interest?
· I’m afraid
· I’m worried
· I judge myself too harshly
· I beat myself up
· I get mad at myself too often
· I choke
· I suck
· I have negative thoughts that get the best of me
· I think I can’t
· I’m scared
· I don’t want to hold another back…by looking for my lost ball all the time
· I get the yips
· I get ahead of myself
· I lose focus
· I’m trying
· I hold on to past failures
· I get result oriented
· Sometimes I’m just not having any fun
· I’m supposed to be better
· I don’t want to embarrass myself
· I’m not worthy, not deserving
· I want to win so badly that I’m feeling the lack of winning
· Yeah but, if only, it’s someone else’s fault, it’s a bad lie, etc., etc., etc.
· Poor me
So, these are the kinds of thoughts that are currently out of wack with our desire that are holding us back from living the life of our dreams.
Let’s acknowledge the fact, that we’ve thought some thoughts are hindering us. And some of the things we have allowed to be part of our experience are not easy to change; otherwise we would have done so by now. We’re kind of lost and we’re asking for some kind of relief, some kind of help, some kind of guidance and understanding into the mystery of life on and off the golf course. We’re looking for some kind of courage to change the things we can. Ask.
You’ve asked and now it is given. It’s time to take that leap of faith and just do it! You’ve got your dream; now take some action. The how’s will begin to present them selves through your commitment. You will be shown the way through providence or divine inspiration. It is as simple and as complex as that!
Understand this – the way you are feeling before the golf shot is an exact match to what you will get. If you keep thinking what you’ve always thought, then you will always get what you’ve always gotten. Hmmm…change the way you think and feel and you will change what you will get…brilliant deduction Einstein.
What’s the solution? You’ve got to start training your subconscious mind to think like a champion.
You’ve got to start activating more beneficial beliefs. You’ve got to give more “airtime” upon what you want. You’ve got to point yourself into the direction of your desires, or what you prefer. In the moment you understand that I’m not there yet, but I’m at least pointed toward it. In other words, I am where I am. This is the literal and vibrational understanding of what it means to be at peace with your self – both on and off the golf course.
Pretty soon old beliefs will fade away so far, so fast that you have a hard time even remembering what it was like before. Pretty soon you’ll end up creating the life of your dreams. Our purpose in life is to create our purpose. It’s why we have a vision, desire, dreams, intuition, intention, and visualization. It’s the quickest way to get from where we are to where we want to be next. The same works for each golf shot as well. Paint the picture and gravitate towards it.
Better Tomorrow
“The greatest thing about tomorrow is I will be better than I am today. I will be better as a golfer, and I will be better as a person. That’s the beauty of tomorrow. The lessons I learn today I will apply tomorrow, and I will be better. It’s a lifelong ambition to get better.”
Tiger Woods said that and he was right. Yet let us not lose sight of today. Remember to enjoy the journey that each present moment has to offer. Embrace each experience (the highs and the lows) while eagerly anticipating your next step down The Fairway of Life.
My purpose and intention is to attract all of those desiring to become a better golfer, a better human being. And in this message, you never know what might come out of this. Like myself, I invite you to embrace the same message that Dr. Wayne Dyer aspires too. “I am no better than anyone else, I am just becoming better than I used to be.”
There are 27 million golfers in the United States of America and perhaps a half billion world-wide. Most, if not all, have experienced some form of anger, frustration, fear of failing or success, and never seem to get any better. It’s a vicious cycle once it starts. This is why I do what I do. I have been there myself. I’m here to offer a new way, a new hope, a new understanding about golf and life…a new understanding that can change everything. This is my unique gift that I offer humanity – the half a billion golfers on the face of the earth. It doesn’t matter if you simply wish to have more fun, break 90, or lower your stroke average by a couple tenths – this program is for all who are drawn to hear this message.
It is my intention to ease the vicious cycle of fear and frustration that we have all allowed to run our lives. How do we do this? By telling a new story, by having a dream, by acting as if it is so for what we do desire, by reaching for better feeling thoughts, by being out of our mind, by allowing the flow of Well-Being, by connecting with who we really are, and by going with the flow – being in The Zone. It’s all of these things and even more. Stay tuned – it’s about being tuned in, turned on, and tapped in.
How does this happen? The first step is to ASK! You must ask for what it is you desire. Next, the universe will answer – always does. The third step is to align with your asking vibrationally and allow it to be. Remember: the “yeah buts” kill the whole deal.
Once you do fully commit to your hearts desire you will be shown the way…miracles unfold as Providence moves too:
· Attitude and demeanor changes
· Awareness and observation heightens
· Consciousness expands
· Understanding increases
· Confidence soars
· Fears melt away
· Shots fly on line
· Putts drop
And so shall it be. Give thanks and gratitude with each next logical step of the way!
Warmly,
“Coach” Rand
Life & Mental Golf Performance Coach
Sport & Athletic Administration, MA
Inspiring Excellence Within!
P.S. It’s not too late to sign-up to participate in our live winter
coaching sessions from the comfort of your home tele-conference style… There are audio coaching files available to get you caught up to speed if you so choose. What are you more committed too?Just click the link below and join in the fun! Isn’t it about time you get back into the game with the desire to more fully express yourself with freedom and less internal resistance!
http://randmarquardt.com/mentaledgegolfcoachingprogram.htm
The Grind & The Zone
Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? In golf I liken the analogy of which comes first, The Grind or The Zone? Which comes first…The Grind so that we can find The Zone or relief so that we can avoid the struggle? How would we know what The Zone is unless we first experienced being out of The Zone and being in a struggle? Perhaps by working through these understandings we can choose to have better control over our own self.
We tend to create this image that golf is hard and it is a grind. While it is certainly an admirable trait to grind it out versus giving up, our aim is to find relief and align ourselves with feeling good, which gives us confidence and a belief in ourselves, otherwise known as being in The Zone. Whereas, The Grind is often thought of as a buckling-down approach—whatever it takes to scrape out our best. Admirable: yet not ideal.
Many of us have a tendency to make things out to be such a struggle, such a grind; most of us end up paddling real hard against the current because we think that is how golf and life is supposed to be: a constant challenge, a hard-fought battle, a grind. Who told you so? Some people even get so good at it, that they actually embrace the grind every time out, perhaps it’s a self-defense concept they created to allow them to make sense of it all. It’s like we hear them saying, “Hey look at me! I’m struggling really hard over here.” Or, after the round, “It was a real grind out there.” Sometimes we give them a pat on the back, “That’s my chip off the old block. Keep up the good work.” However, the truth be told, in those moments of the struggle we end up taking ourselves out of The Zone once again. The grind is some sort of resistance or rationalization that is blocking the flow of Well-Being, which is where The Zone exists. What is causing you to grind it out? And I know sometimes it just feels that way. I’m inviting you to relax into this game, find some relief and learn to go with the flow. Remember golf is supposed to be fun. Many think the answer is to keep on paddling really, really hard–beating more golf balls than ever before. This kind of repetitive vicious cycle keeps repeating itself over and over again. Like Einstein reminds us about the definition of insanity. You can’t solve a problem with the same energy that created it.
I hear you when thinking about how Tiger often talks about how much of a grind it was “out there.” I’m not saying this feeling doesn’t exist. I’m just saying we all can do a little bit better than we used too…even Tiger. And when we do a little bit better than we used too – we end up playing a little better. The spiral moves upward versus the other way around. The better it gets…the better it gets.
Tiger’s grind on the other hand may be slightly different from the rest of us mere mortals, wouldn’t you say? He misses three or four fairways or the pin by 25 feet on a couple occasions and he’s missed the shot. We end up in the blackberry bushes or tall weeds 30 yards from the green. His desires and expectations are a tad higher. Plus, he aligns his vibrational energy to match what he intends and expects. He executes and performs to what he visualizes more often than not. In other words, Tigers allows his intention to be. He’s in alignment with his asking. That’s what makes Tiger tick. What a mindset and focus. Imagine Tiger’s view of the field and that narrow window or rectangle of where he intends to play the shot giving his best effort in this moment on this particular shot or putt. Go be something similar to this mindset yourself. Begin visualizing and narrowing your field. The shot produces the swing, not the other way around. With a mindset like Tiger’s we too can become better tomorrow than we are today.
What you don’t hear is how often Tiger is actually clicking along and playing pretty well. He does play in the now. However, his mindset is always wanting to be better tomorrow than today. That’s his inspiration and motivation. Tiger appears to be never satisfied; yet he is still the greatest ever. He’s hungry and he’s humble. I’d be surprised if he isn’t absolutely ecstatic on the inside for everything he has accomplished and absolutely thrilled with how he plays when he’s on. What I see is that he doesn’t want to lose his edge. He just doesn’t want to be or get complacent. He’s on a mission. It’s called 19 majors – then perhaps more. To be the world’s best means you hold the most majors on your mantle.
Tiger really does play pretty damn good golf after it is all said and done; wouldn’t you say? When Tiger is on – which is often – he is pointing his kayak downstream and going with the flow. It’s just that simple. He’s in alignment with his Source and desire to be his absolute best…world’s best. What more is there? Tiger has set the bar and keeps breaking it. Tiger keeps imprinting even more of a champion’s self-image upon the inner workings of his subconscious mind…and so can you and I.
Wouldn’t it be easier to point your kayak in the direction of the current and simply go with the flow of the stream? Wouldn’t it be easier to allow yourself the freedom to build the sandcastle, skip the stone, or swing the club with your natural most inspired state of being and simply go with the flow? Wouldn’t it be easier to play like you practice, like no one is watching, or execute like it was your practice swing: effortless and less arduous? Wouldn’t it be easier to make your first putt more often than when you drop a second ball in its place? Second putts made. Wouldn’t it be easier if you really knew what you are doing when you are practicing and you were practicing mentally in The Zone? The Flow is The Zone. The Zone is always present. There is only The Zone, a source of Well-Being—which you are either allowing, or not. Everything else is resistance or a block or an obstacle to The Zone that is always flowing.
It’s really pretty simple; remove the resistance, block, or obstacle and allow the Well-Being in. Your Well-Being is The Zone. The Zone is always present. The Zone is going with the flow.
The best analogy I could give you is watching young children play. They’re in The Zone practically all the time. They don’t know any better or any different, they haven’t been socialized or conditioned to our cultural story yet. There is no fear of failure or fear of success they are just being themselves. They’re not being judged or think they are being judged. They don’t think about results, they just do it.
Coaches Notes: A deeper lesson in this whole process is how we encourage, support, and guide another. While our intentions may mean well there is a fine line between critiquing and judging performance and giving advice versus offering positive feedback and offering support and guidance. Asking what questions at the “right” time allows the student to reflect and perhaps make the changes themselves. Invite the student to ask the questions themselves. Invite the student to explore the understanding that the answer and wisdom lies within them. Pointing out body positions through a camera film perhaps allows the student to see potential opportunity for growth.
Another analogy of being in The Zone is when Tiger is throwing darts and sinking putts. Tiger focuses on the moment putting forth his very best effort on this drive, on this swing, and on this putt – and he’s not concerned about his result or outcome until after it happens, which in Tiger’s case most often is a great result. He’s tuned in, turned on, tapped in – he’s locked in on this very moment. Plus he’s like a kid having fun. Where did Tiger get his mental toughness? Was it from Mom and Pop, or within? Is it nurture or nature? Perhaps it’s a little bit of both exposures; whatever he allows to filter into his subconscious mind.
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