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The Fairway Of Life
Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow ~
Rand Scott Marquardt
Life & Mental Golf Performance Coach 
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In order for one to more fully advance and evolve in quantum leaps to their next level of fuller expression and potential on the golf course, one must embrace exactly where they are. Let me repeat that again – One Must Embrace Exactly Where They Are.
One must embrace their level of play: their fears, their strengths, and the things they can do to improve upon. The place to begin is exactly where you are right now, without any hidden self-deception, denial, or “should be” mentality.
If you’re always struggling in a way that you “should be” better than you are, it’s like the dog always chasing its tail. You’ll never get there. If you’re always seeking to impress another with your anger after a less than stellar golf shot, because you think you are “better than you are”…again you stay stuck in the vicious never-ending cycle of not getting any better.
It is only when you fully begin to “let go” of this self-deceptive mentality and begin to accept yourself and be exactly as you are that a light, a relief, a feeling of peace will “perhaps” enter your experience if you are willing to let it in, unless you don’t.
I cannot tell how many times I observe others, myself included for most of my life, getting all worked up and upset on the golf course because I “should be” better than this.
I recall a round of golf not too many years ago where a friend of mine, Jack, came off the 9th green at Petoskey Bay-View Country Club exasperated after shooting 44, “I’m an 8-handicap golfer and I don’t shoot this!” Steam was literally coming out of Jack’s ears on the 10th tee – it was difficult to even talk with him; it spoiled the rest of his round. As for me, he was my partner, and our team ended up losing a couple bucks to our playing partners.
See how it works? This “should be” attitude translates into more and more negative frustration. One cannot play their best golf when they’re mad, angry, upset, or disappointed. Period!
“It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized.”
I Ching: Hexagram 5, Hsu – Waiting (Nourishment)
Once we have an acceptance, an integrity and authenticity within to face things exactly as they are…then can we begin the process of moving into setting powerful intentions by living the life of our dreams, both on and off the golf course.
Therefore, welcome it all into your experience and simply let go of any emotionally charged emotion. And you will know exactly why you received this message today!
What am I so afraid of?
“Fear of any kind is the number-one enemy of all golfers, regardless of ball-striking and shot making capabilities.”—Jack Nicklaus
I ask you, what are you so afraid of while playing or thinking about this game of golf? Answers will inevitable vary with each individual. And that’s why coaching another in the “mental and emotional aspects” of the game is unique to each golfer, and not a one-size-fits-all approach. However, many of us have had and continue to have similar experiences and tendencies. I’d like to share a few of them with you now. I’d also like to invite you to journal about your own experiences to uncover the block(s) that have been holding you back from expressing yourself freely to play your best golf. And remember go easy on yourself because this game of golf and life is an eternal process and we will never get it all done – it will never be “perfect.” Yet what if it is perfect just the way it is? I like to call it “perfectly imperfect.” Because if you gravitate toward the feeling that you’re never satisfied, then you’ll be never satisfied and this state of emotional being will come more in the form of frustration with perhaps some glimmer of hopefulness.
I’d also like to suggest some different techniques that may cause you to let go of some of your FEARS or False Evidence Appearing Real. These fears are nothing more than your own fantasy appearing real. In my book, The Fairway of Life, I suggest using the Mental Edge Golf Technique as another method to overcoming this perceived fear. It’s a simple form of acknowledgment, acceptance, forgiveness, and creating new more empowering beliefs and focus. In case you haven’t already; pick up a copy – I guarantee if you put even one of the many coaching suggestions or simple secret reminders into place it will benefit you and it will benefit the game of golf by the clarity of your example. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm – it’s contagious! Pass it on and pay it forward.
Remember: fear is an illusion in our mind and it is the opposite of who you really are, yet at times it appears as being so real. Therefore, our objective becomes clearing this mental stress, these obstacles that have been holding us back, which eventually leaves only pure positive energy, known to golfers as The Zone. This form of emotional state operates in, and even transcends the joy, knowing, and freedom realm. This is when and where we play our best golf.
Therefore, I invite you to look fear in the eye and simply be with it for a moment. What you look at disappears. I invite you to use affirmations as well. I looked “fear” in the eye and said, you come to me with confusion and darkness and failure…but I come to you in the light and strength of my being. I am in alignment with myself and you cannot stand against me.
“It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized.”
I Ching: Hexagram 5, Hsu – Waiting (Nourishment)
Facing things exactly as they are is the key to becoming better than you used to be. If you are unwilling to accept yourself just exactly as you are right now you will continue to stay stuck living the life of quiet desperation and you will keep getting and repeating the same old mediocre results year after year. You keep thinking you can figure this all out. I know that was me for 35 years of my golfing life.
If you desire change to a more free golf game it begins with accepting yourself and your golf game just exactly as you are and it is – all the while pointing into the direction that you prefer. What you prefer is your asking and it works with the power of intention. What happens next is providence or divine inspiration will begin moving through you and the how’s begin showing up in forms you may never have imagined before. The formula is dreams, or intentions of what you prefer + action = the how’s + manifestation.
Dreams + Action = How’s + Manifestation
In other words you don’t have to be ready and know how – the how’s will be shown to you once you make the 100% commitment and decide to play full out. You have been and are doing the very best you can with the tools and resources that you have available at this particular moment in time. Now you have been giving more. Why – because you are asking and drawn to hear these words. I invite you to simply become aware.
1. First, we must we acknowledge the areas that have been holding us back. We must come clean with ourselves and take note to the things that have been holding us back, our weaknesses, our fears, or things we can improve upon.
2. We need to accept ourselves, and our golf game, exactly as we are and exactly as it is right now, even though we might not like it.
3. We point in the direction of what we prefer. In that moment we make peace with ourselves.
4. If we choose, out of these enlightening understandings will come the clarity and wisdom that will allow us to evolve and grow and expand into more of who we really are; as a golfer and as a human being. It is as simple and as complex as that.
Case Study: what is it that you are so afraid of?
“My shadow and hitting the ball in the shits. It’s a tough shot with danger all around and I don’t want to f**k up. I’ve got a good score going and I don’t want to throw it all away. It takes a lot of work. (Pause) Wait a second what am I getting all jacked up about? I say work, but golf is a fun game. So what if I put the ball in the pond shooting a 39 instead of a 37…so what? I also want to eliminate the bad round or bad nine. I shot 38-52 at Charlevoix Country Club and I need to eliminate the bad round or bad nine.” The following dialogue is what Chris Shepler said when I asked him this question at 10:30 am on Tuesday, January 13, 2010. This is real life stuff for most golfers.
How many issues or blocks from playing his best golf can you name here?
1) I am scared of my own self.
2) I am scared of hitting the ball where I don’t want it to go. A lot of what I don’t want going on here.
3) I am scared to f**k up.
4) I am scared to screw up my score. Too much result-oriented.
5) I am scared to blow it. I want to be more consistent.
6) I feel like I am in a fight.
7) I finally found some relief with acknowledging it’s a fun game. I finally found some relief with thinking so what.
Underneath some of these issues lies the real culprit, hidden and stuffed away deep inside. We have people-pleasing and personal-perfectionism issues. On one hand we want to impress others in showing them what we are capable of. We want to play well for others and show them what we are capable of. On the other hand we want to hit “perfect” or good golf shots and when we don’t we get frustrated. In either case our emotions slide to the lower half of our emotional scale. If left unchecked the downward spiral sets in. Frustration, irritation, and impatience can lead to disappointment, doubt, worry, anger, rage, and even drop so low to feelings of unworthiness and despair. I ask you, can you play your best golf when you are experiencing these kinds of emotions? Of course not!
Here is my simple solution: the moment you begin dropping into negative emotions, below the contentment level, catch yourself and accept and embrace everything exactly as it is. You may not like what just happened, yet you must accept it. Work it out later on the range. Just know that Well-Being will come to you as you are pointing into the direction of what you prefer. You will save more rounds of golf than you can possible imagine. I can’t tell you how many times I have been 5 over par after 3 holes and still posted 77 or 78. Whereas before, lights out I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore – for sure 85 or worse.
Here are a couple other things with Chris that I observe: 1) Scared of hitting the ball in the shits, or where I don’t want it to go. Mastering the mental game invites you to begin shifting your focus upon what you do want, eventually giving yourself more and more of that. Once again the trick is to get out of the mindset of not thinking about what you don’t want and more in harmony with what you do. Not thinking about, or not wanting something only draws more of that into your experience. You’ve got to train your mind to focus on what you do want. You’ll find yourself slowly gravitating toward the target in your minds-eye. Rather focus in on what you do want. Remember: the shot produces the swing, not the other way around. Give more airtime to positive beliefs and eventually the old negative thoughts begin fading away. The only way to get rid of negative thoughts is to give more airtime to positive ones. The process:
1) Visualize
2) Visualize
3) Visualize
2) Too much result-oriented and in the future thinking going on. I remind another, just as I remind Chris, that it’s just one shot at a time. Bring yourself to being present, in the now, with this shot right here, right now. Bobby Jones knew this and he was right, yet “It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it.” Everyone needs a reminder, myself included. Now if you want to keep venting and spiraling further out of control, then go ahead and be my guest. Or, you can catch yourself and get back to playing present golf, having fun, pointing in the direction of what you prefer, and allowing it to be. It’s okay – stop beating up on yourself. Lighten up – maybe you can use some extra work out of the bunker? Ya see! Here’s a simple three-step process to let go of too much result-oriented, worrying about where the ball is going, and being in the future process. Focus only on:
1) Good set up
2) Good alignment
3) Good swing
See your trusted PGA golf professional to get you back on the train tracks and the plane of your swing in harmony with your natural way.
Finally, relief comes when we realize that golf is a fun game. Too much seriousness around golf creates too much tension and stress. Look, I’m out here with my friends. It’s a beautiful day. I’m off work (ah Professionals treat it as fun and leisure), and no matter what, I am going to have fun.
Above all, no matter what happens simply acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it, and become an objective detective in your own process. Some days will be better than others. So what? Be like Walter Hagen and simply shrug your shoulders when things don’t necessarily go your way. Eventually if you practice these principles things will improve and the better it gets, the better it gets. It may even seem like a miracle at the end of the round or season. You may just amaze your incredible self. You have so much potential in you; I’m here to draw that out of you.
Be as you wish to seem and act as if it is so,
Rand
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