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New Release
The Fairway Of Life
Simple Secrets To Playing Better Golf By Going With The Flow ~
Rand Scott Marquardt
Life & Mental Golf Performance Coach 
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Once you make the commitment to play better golf I guarantee you everything within you will rise to the top – both your brilliance and your demons.
I recently had this conversation with my fellow golfing partner Chris Shepler who is a big fan of The Fairway of Life. He recently played in a “big” tournament – The Northern Michigan Open at Cheboygan CC. Sheppy opened with a 75, one of his best tournament rounds of his career. He wanted to let me know of all the “big time” players in the field, including Golf Professional Brian O’Neill who also opened with a first round 75, and closed with a 71.
Needless to say in round two Chris shot an 85. He tells me, “I completely lost my focus to having fun. I was out there protecting a score and I couldn’t get my mind to hit the ball harder while putting. (Classic deceleration when you are nervous). I was tentative and forgot all about having fun. I let the event to become bigger than it is. I was proud of my 75 in competitive golf and I was out there trying to protect a score. My mind went from here to there; from present – to - I gotta have it. I noticed it, but did not work to get myself back there…I stayed there (meaning I stayed in the abyss of the grind, getting ahead of myself, and not having fun). I also noticed extra frustration building whenever my drives would end up a shorter distance, which meant I would have to hit a longer iron to the green than the day before. I let this irritation translate into ‘it’s going to be tougher to make par versus just playing the shot.’ I know now after the fact that it doesn’t matter what club I am hitting (a five iron or a four iron) - it’s all the same. I did have a good confident thought process early in my second round then when things got away all I could think was I gotta have it. I gotta have a par. And if I don’t have it then I’m screwed (I won’t break 80). And I never made a putt on the second day. I couldn’t figure it out during my round until I got to the 18th tee box, and I finally got up and down because it didn’t matter anymore. Finally, I got up and down. I saw it and I did it.”
I asked Chris, what else happened? He said, “It all boils down to that demon, that devil protecting a score…I gotta have it. Instead of enjoying, I got to have it. I can’t go 3 over right now. Instead of acknowledging the day, I was concerned about my score. The next thing ya know I three-putted for bogey, then at that point I got livid and impatient. I needed it to stay under 80 and have a chance. How stupid is that.” Coach Marquardt, “Then what happened?” Chris, “I couldn’t let it go and went double bogey, double bogey. Then I finally got my s**t together talking to myself on hole #10 and birdied it. Then I pulled hooked a 2-wood on #11 and noticed I cracked the face of my club and went on a bogey train.”
Coach Marquardt, “So Chris, what do you take from this, what did you learn?” Chris, “I learned that I need to focus on being more patient (I’ve never shot a 75 in a golf tournament before) – the more times I’m in this position the better I will become at these situations. It was all a learning experience and I’m okay with it.”
Take from Chris Shepler’s experience on the golf course, as you will. We are all evolving as golfers and human beings to become our very best. I invite you to remember that golf is a great game and it’s all about the enjoying; the scoring will take care of it self. It’s just another round of golf, one stroke at a time. Stay present – play golf in the now. Visualize, visualize, visualize. See it. Also, having to have something in the future takes you out of your present. Wanting something so badly pushes it away. On a side note, I think that’s what happened to Nick Watney in the PGA – he thought about wanting it so badly. I know he believes in having fun. I remind you all – just let it happen. By the way, nothing wrong with a little nervous anxiety, just never let the event to become bigger than it really is. It’s a game of golf. Have fun. Golf is supposed to be fun – and when you get that you can drop the “supposed to” – golf is fun! Remember that – most won’t and they’ll keep repeating the same self-sabotaging behaviors over and over again, until they don’t.
Thanks Chris – next time we’ll here from golf lover Jack Zlotow and what he has taken to the course from The Fairway of Life. Please send any stories you would like to share with the readers. What I find is that others line up right behind the one who steps out and expresses their truth – and we all benefit.
What am I so afraid of?
“Fear of any kind is the number-one enemy of all golfers, regardless of ball-striking and shot making capabilities.”—Jack Nicklaus
I ask you, what are you so afraid of while playing or thinking about this game of golf? Answers will inevitable vary with each individual. And that’s why coaching another in the “mental and emotional aspects” of the game is unique to each golfer, and not a one-size-fits-all approach. However, many of us have had and continue to have similar experiences and tendencies. I’d like to share a few of them with you now. I’d also like to invite you to journal about your own experiences to uncover the block(s) that have been holding you back from expressing yourself freely to play your best golf. And remember go easy on yourself because this game of golf and life is an eternal process and we will never get it all done – it will never be “perfect.” Yet what if it is perfect just the way it is? I like to call it “perfectly imperfect.” Because if you gravitate toward the feeling that you’re never satisfied, then you’ll be never satisfied and this state of emotional being will come more in the form of frustration with perhaps some glimmer of hopefulness.
I’d also like to suggest some different techniques that may cause you to let go of some of your FEARS or False Evidence Appearing Real. These fears are nothing more than your own fantasy appearing real. In my book, The Fairway of Life, I suggest using the Mental Edge Golf Technique as another method to overcoming this perceived fear. It’s a simple form of acknowledgment, acceptance, forgiveness, and creating new more empowering beliefs and focus. In case you haven’t already; pick up a copy – I guarantee if you put even one of the many coaching suggestions or simple secret reminders into place it will benefit you and it will benefit the game of golf by the clarity of your example. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm – it’s contagious! Pass it on and pay it forward.
Remember: fear is an illusion in our mind and it is the opposite of who you really are, yet at times it appears as being so real. Therefore, our objective becomes clearing this mental stress, these obstacles that have been holding us back, which eventually leaves only pure positive energy, known to golfers as The Zone. This form of emotional state operates in, and even transcends the joy, knowing, and freedom realm. This is when and where we play our best golf.
Therefore, I invite you to look fear in the eye and simply be with it for a moment. What you look at disappears. I invite you to use affirmations as well. I looked “fear” in the eye and said, you come to me with confusion and darkness and failure…but I come to you in the light and strength of my being. I am in alignment with myself and you cannot stand against me.
“It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized.”
I Ching: Hexagram 5, Hsu – Waiting (Nourishment)
Facing things exactly as they are is the key to becoming better than you used to be. If you are unwilling to accept yourself just exactly as you are right now you will continue to stay stuck living the life of quiet desperation and you will keep getting and repeating the same old mediocre results year after year. You keep thinking you can figure this all out. I know that was me for 35 years of my golfing life.
If you desire change to a more free golf game it begins with accepting yourself and your golf game just exactly as you are and it is – all the while pointing into the direction that you prefer. What you prefer is your asking and it works with the power of intention. What happens next is providence or divine inspiration will begin moving through you and the how’s begin showing up in forms you may never have imagined before. The formula is dreams, or intentions of what you prefer + action = the how’s + manifestation.
Dreams + Action = How’s + Manifestation
In other words you don’t have to be ready and know how – the how’s will be shown to you once you make the 100% commitment and decide to play full out. You have been and are doing the very best you can with the tools and resources that you have available at this particular moment in time. Now you have been giving more. Why – because you are asking and drawn to hear these words. I invite you to simply become aware.
1. First, we must we acknowledge the areas that have been holding us back. We must come clean with ourselves and take note to the things that have been holding us back, our weaknesses, our fears, or things we can improve upon.
2. We need to accept ourselves, and our golf game, exactly as we are and exactly as it is right now, even though we might not like it.
3. We point in the direction of what we prefer. In that moment we make peace with ourselves.
4. If we choose, out of these enlightening understandings will come the clarity and wisdom that will allow us to evolve and grow and expand into more of who we really are; as a golfer and as a human being. It is as simple and as complex as that.
Case Study: what is it that you are so afraid of?
“My shadow and hitting the ball in the shits. It’s a tough shot with danger all around and I don’t want to f**k up. I’ve got a good score going and I don’t want to throw it all away. It takes a lot of work. (Pause) Wait a second what am I getting all jacked up about? I say work, but golf is a fun game. So what if I put the ball in the pond shooting a 39 instead of a 37…so what? I also want to eliminate the bad round or bad nine. I shot 38-52 at Charlevoix Country Club and I need to eliminate the bad round or bad nine.” The following dialogue is what Chris Shepler said when I asked him this question at 10:30 am on Tuesday, January 13, 2010. This is real life stuff for most golfers.
How many issues or blocks from playing his best golf can you name here?
1) I am scared of my own self.
2) I am scared of hitting the ball where I don’t want it to go. A lot of what I don’t want going on here.
3) I am scared to f**k up.
4) I am scared to screw up my score. Too much result-oriented.
5) I am scared to blow it. I want to be more consistent.
6) I feel like I am in a fight.
7) I finally found some relief with acknowledging it’s a fun game. I finally found some relief with thinking so what.
Underneath some of these issues lies the real culprit, hidden and stuffed away deep inside. We have people-pleasing and personal-perfectionism issues. On one hand we want to impress others in showing them what we are capable of. We want to play well for others and show them what we are capable of. On the other hand we want to hit “perfect” or good golf shots and when we don’t we get frustrated. In either case our emotions slide to the lower half of our emotional scale. If left unchecked the downward spiral sets in. Frustration, irritation, and impatience can lead to disappointment, doubt, worry, anger, rage, and even drop so low to feelings of unworthiness and despair. I ask you, can you play your best golf when you are experiencing these kinds of emotions? Of course not!
Here is my simple solution: the moment you begin dropping into negative emotions, below the contentment level, catch yourself and accept and embrace everything exactly as it is. You may not like what just happened, yet you must accept it. Work it out later on the range. Just know that Well-Being will come to you as you are pointing into the direction of what you prefer. You will save more rounds of golf than you can possible imagine. I can’t tell you how many times I have been 5 over par after 3 holes and still posted 77 or 78. Whereas before, lights out I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore – for sure 85 or worse.
Here are a couple other things with Chris that I observe: 1) Scared of hitting the ball in the shits, or where I don’t want it to go. Mastering the mental game invites you to begin shifting your focus upon what you do want, eventually giving yourself more and more of that. Once again the trick is to get out of the mindset of not thinking about what you don’t want and more in harmony with what you do. Not thinking about, or not wanting something only draws more of that into your experience. You’ve got to train your mind to focus on what you do want. You’ll find yourself slowly gravitating toward the target in your minds-eye. Rather focus in on what you do want. Remember: the shot produces the swing, not the other way around. Give more airtime to positive beliefs and eventually the old negative thoughts begin fading away. The only way to get rid of negative thoughts is to give more airtime to positive ones. The process:
1) Visualize
2) Visualize
3) Visualize
2) Too much result-oriented and in the future thinking going on. I remind another, just as I remind Chris, that it’s just one shot at a time. Bring yourself to being present, in the now, with this shot right here, right now. Bobby Jones knew this and he was right, yet “It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it.” Everyone needs a reminder, myself included. Now if you want to keep venting and spiraling further out of control, then go ahead and be my guest. Or, you can catch yourself and get back to playing present golf, having fun, pointing in the direction of what you prefer, and allowing it to be. It’s okay – stop beating up on yourself. Lighten up – maybe you can use some extra work out of the bunker? Ya see! Here’s a simple three-step process to let go of too much result-oriented, worrying about where the ball is going, and being in the future process. Focus only on:
1) Good set up
2) Good alignment
3) Good swing
See your trusted PGA golf professional to get you back on the train tracks and the plane of your swing in harmony with your natural way.
Finally, relief comes when we realize that golf is a fun game. Too much seriousness around golf creates too much tension and stress. Look, I’m out here with my friends. It’s a beautiful day. I’m off work (ah Professionals treat it as fun and leisure), and no matter what, I am going to have fun.
Above all, no matter what happens simply acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it, and become an objective detective in your own process. Some days will be better than others. So what? Be like Walter Hagen and simply shrug your shoulders when things don’t necessarily go your way. Eventually if you practice these principles things will improve and the better it gets, the better it gets. It may even seem like a miracle at the end of the round or season. You may just amaze your incredible self. You have so much potential in you; I’m here to draw that out of you.
Be as you wish to seem and act as if it is so,
Rand
New Years Golf Resolution
On February 19, 2005 at 10:45 a.m. in the dead nuts of winter in Northern Michigan I announced my intention out loud to my friend Chris Shepler, “I’m gonna drop my handicap down to a 5 or less by July 4th.” I must have been leading up to this declaration having just come off yet another disappointing season barely breaking 80 only but a few times all year and seeing my handicap rise to over a 10 in both official and league play.
Now at the time I had no idea what this meant or if I could even achieve such a lofty goal. However, that’s the magic formula. That’s part of The Secret, which is the Law of Attraction. You must be willing to make a commitment in order to evolve into the direction of your dreams and desires. Although my personal guinea pig experiment did have a happy ending even though I endured a few set backs, some ridicule, plenty of growth experiences to work through (in golf we call these demons), and several feelings of just not knowing what might happen along my journey. Not only did I observe and witness my handicap drop from a 10 to a 7 to a 5 then to a 4.3, I also set a new intention in July, “I’m gonna drop my handicap to a 2 or less by the end of the summer.” I put into practice all that I have come to understand through applying the life principles to the game of golf. Providence moved to me and through me.
I ended the 2005 golf season as a 1.2 handicap golfer. I’m living my dream having played the best golf of my life for the last four years. As a soon to be 50-year old my handicap has fluctuated between a .7 and a 2.4 ever since. I also want you to know that my average handicap during my prime hovered around a six.
Why did all of this unfold like it did? It’s because I decided to make a bold commitment and set an outrageous intention – first! I decided to make a commitment and play full out – that’s what my life coaching has really taught and reminded me about – being a powerful creator in this amazing process or game of life. I invite you to do something similar and unique to your own game and life. Become a better or more authentic person on the inside, a better putter, better short game player, better at handling your emotions, have more fun, lower your handicap, or be more free to fully express yourself. Learn to play golf with eager anticipation and to your full potential.
The hows will eventually show themselves once you make a commitment. Providence will move through you. First, set a powerful intention or New Years golf resolution. Call it whatever you want. Plan your next move of becoming this dream with audacity and execute with vigor in your gitty up. Audacity in its purest form is extreme boldness, recklessly brave with a fearlessly one-minded focus. Vigor is a form of intense healthy growth while thriving to be your absolute best. This is the kind of outrageous enthusiasm involving mental toughness, physical well-being, and spiritual energy that inspires us to become that which we desire to be when one chooses their definiteness of purpose.
Am I out of the woods? Am I always playing with my A game, certainly not! Yet I am extremely grateful to be where I am. In the big picture of life on and off the golf course; life now becomes such an awe-inspiring and amazing adventure. It’s a journey I have now come to call The Fairway of Life.
Remember: Fortune Favors the Bold. Plan your next move with audacity and vigor right now. Why wait a second longer…go ahead and post your intention and tell another. I’ll help guide you into becoming the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about who you really are. Tune in for the free teleconference winter / spring 2009 Mental Edge Coaching session coming soon. Sign up to receive the free newsletter with other gifts. Invite your friends. 2009 is going to be the best golf year ever!
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