Recognizing Communication Breakdown in Golf & Life
There are so many things in life and golf to be grateful for and of course so many things to be disheartened by. There are always things we are working on to fix, change, and become better at, and there are other things we have very little control over, like our club head speed, which determines our distance – it’s a physics thing you know, something we can learn to accept and embrace. New technology will take us only so far. But today I want to bring to your attention something that we all can work on that will not only change the lives of those around us but will change our lives as well. “What’s that?” you might ask. Well, I will tell you — it is the way that we communicate.
The way we ask questions, give answers, listen, and share information can make someone’s day or it can ruin it. I’m sure you had someone say something to you regarding your golf game or some other negative comment that took the spirit right out of your sails. These upsetting moments plant seeds of low self-esteem into the very fabric of our subconscious minds – before too long we begin to believe and live this lie.
Have you ever asked yourself, ‘How am I showing up on the golf course? How am I communicating with others?’ You know you can learn an awful lot about a person by playing a round of golf with them. And you can learn an awful lot about yourself. I know you’ve recognized certain empowering aspects (gratitude, focus, mental toughness, joy, love) and less than desirable traits (anger, frustration, fear, insecurity, hate) in another. Yet have you really gone inside and observed how you are showing up as well. What we do to another we do to ourselves. What we do to ourselves we do to another. Golf on the fairway of life becomes a circle. The Secret is the law of attraction. We become what we think.
I invite you to become fully present and really observe yourself in how you are communicating with yourself and with others. If you find yourself beating up on yourself just close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself, “What hidden thought or belief have I been unaware of that affects my communications?” When you get in touch with your communications and their consequences, be gentle on yourself. Beating up on ourselves will not make us better communicators. In fact, it will do just the opposite.
Begin to notice right now the communications that you have received or ones that you have delivered that no longer serve your best interest and one by one release them and be grateful in becoming a better you. If there is someone to apologize too, say you are sorry with a compassionate heart and with true intention. Finally watch and observe your thoughts and the words you speak and replace them with a new more empowering self-talk, belief and focus. Sweeten your delivery and bring more awareness to each moment like a champion – you might just end up playing like one!
Think, talk, play, and carry yourself like a champion – Today!
Rand S. Marquardt, Author
Performance Enhancement Coach
Specializing in the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Aspects of Golf
www.golfissupposedtobefun.com
(231) 838-5433
Inspiring Excellence Within
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4 Responses to “Recognizing Communication Breakdown in Golf & Life”
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And sometimes it can be quite challenging to keep your cool when everything seems to be spiraling out of control. I recently played in a “tournament type environment,” a member - member event, and noticed how scared I had gotten. I wanted to do so well. Afterall, I’m the guru who wrote the book, coach others, and give seminars. I feel this added pressure (that I placed upon myself) is something that I need to work on. Anyhow, my first nine seemed almost surreal. Like, I can’t believe this is happening to me. I practically forgot how to swing and my confidence was at an all time low. I even took a ‘9′ on one hole, which means I post a ‘6′ on the par 4. Well, even though I felt really awful I persevered. I did lose my composure some and ended up slamming the seed/fertilizer bottle back into the cart after another mishit on hole # 11. The plastic cap broke. This moment will be another moment to embrace that will make me a better person. After that hole I embraced what I had and went 3 under the last 7 holes. What could of very easily been a 100, I ended up posting 79. So, I just wanted to let you know that I am human (no better than anyone else), just becoming a little bit better than I used to be. Hey, Tiger vents on occasion too! Get yourself back to center and back to the present moment. This too shall come to pass - embrace the highs and lows and be grateful for what you do have. I am that!
Hi Rand, your latest post was just awesome. What excellent points; haven’t we all had someone’s flip comment bust us down, or had a compliment make us smile for days.
A phrase that has stuck with me for years came from Marianne Williamson’s “On Transformation” talk. She was discussing how people go on and on about the away their parents criticized them when they were children…I expected some of the usual “let it go” that we hear from everyone else, but instead she said “The way your parents judged you is NOTHING compared to the way YOU judge you. Your parents may have been critical, but you are VICIOUS to yourself.” She sure got me thinking, and that comment still resonates nearly twenty years later…. All the best, K
Yes, Kelly, and the moment we stop judging others or thinking God is judging us is the moment we stop judging ourselves.
I prefer a new perspective…it’s called observing…simply observing. It was Jesus who said profoundly, “Do not judge and you will not be judged.” I still catch myself “judging” in the slightest minute ways as I am growing and evolving. Nothing to beat myself up over anymore…just choosing a new way next time. Marianne Williamson also said growth can be and usually is messy. I now welcome that growth and make it my friend.
Make it my friend…the way we communicate with ourselves on the golf course about the golf course makes all the difference in the world as well. At The 2008 Open championship both Paul Azinger and Tom Watson commented about the wind. Azinger said you’ve got to “embrace” the wind. Watson said make the wind your friend.
A simple shift in perception and perspective changes everything.
I can see how communication on the golf course carries over to other things in life. I know for me that has been something I have worked on for years ever since I’ve gotten serious about the game of golf when I was a sophomore in high school. I used to really beat myself up when I made just one mistake out there on the course. I know you have seen my infamous reactions a few years ago, but I’ve come a long way since then, where it’s either, a) I know I can get out of trouble or b) Everything is going to be okay. I was thinking of some of the rare times this year where my emotions got the best of me on the golf course and I had experienced a similar situation this summer with a female.
Sure, I had fun talking to her for three weeks on the phone and texting her during that time span, but when I found out I wasn’t her type after we met, my reaction was similar to having a 4 putt bogey on a par 5, which means it was very negative and upsetting. After reading this blog, it made me realize how important keeping my composure on the golf course is not only for damage control purposes, but for relationships with the people around you as well. So I got a lot out of this blog and look forward to the next one.